Meaningless Insight #1: Behind the Wheel

I'm kinda feeling a lack of really deep things to write about right now... so, I figured I would give you guys some rather meaningless insights into my life here in Malawi.

My premier entry will be about the adventures behind the wheel of a golimoto (vehicle).

Driving in Malawi is not for the faint of heart.

You have to be on your game every second of your time on the roads.

The first major obstacle that one must overcome is that in Malawi, not unlike most of the known world, they drive on the, need I say, wrong side of the road. I'm such an American...

My first few weeks of attempting this new way of life were rough. There were many times that I pulled onto a road in the wrong lane... which is a mistake that you must quickly repair.

It took me a good month to begin walking to the right side of the car if I was the driver. I remember feeling like an idiot as I stepped into the passenger's side door, being the only one around.

The next... well, more like simultaneous, trial that I faced was driving a stick. I think that everyone should have to learn to drive a standard before they become lazy bums and take up an automatic. It requires way more attention and concentration. However, after a long day of climbing a mountain or something, the first thing you want to do is slap the cruise control button, and the last thing you want to do is keep that foot on the clutch!

Once you get past these simple things that we should all be more comfortable with anyway... Welcome to Malawi... Land of the bazillion mini-buses!

What is a "mini-bus" you may ask?

Good question!

Mini-buses were introduced to Malawi back in the 1990's. They are pretty much bigger than sliced bread... come to think of it, they actually slightly resemble sliced bread. They are the most common form of public transport. Whether you want to travel to a different part of town or a different part of the country, your friendly mini-bus driver is your man! (*I say the word "friendly" sparingly.)

You may be thinking... "Public transport?! Those look more like my child's Tonka toys."

This is another very keen observation! Compared to the giant, gas-guzzling buses that you find in the cities of America, these do look like their day old new borns. But, fear not... you can certainly cram just as many people in a mini-bus as its big brother Mr. Greyhound.

With a few extra, illegal seating installations, a mini-bus driver has for himself a very lucrative business going. You just may have a complete stranger sitting all up in your grill.

"Why are you discussing these breadmobiles in such detail?" you may be asking...

Another great question!

Because I HATE them!!!!

Back to my side of the steering wheel... the reason I have shin splints from coming on and off the clutch so often is directly correlated with Mr. Mini-bus!

These things are EVERYWHERE. They are like enormous, white ants that have clever slogans painted across their backs.

Just when you're driving along with utmost peace and tranquility... BAM! Satan sends a mini-bus careening within inches of my front grill to remind me that I shouldn't get too comfortable.

I'm quite sure that if someone was actually to check the legitimacy of these drivers in the form of a license, you would probably be shocked and dismayed.

Nonetheless, mini-buses are a fact of life in this beautiful country. You either suck it up and deal with them or sit at home and pray that your food supply grows feet and walks to your front door... which may not be that crazy of a prayer.

In spite of all these added extras, I must say that there is something quite exhilarating about getting behind the wheel in Malawi. The main reason that I am so fond of it is the simple fact that you will never find a party-pooper policeman waiting to give you a ticket for speeding. Coming from someone that has had his party pooped on numerous times back home, I do not take this blessing lightly.

But, this is not to say that there aren't traffic police. They definitely show their faces from time to time... specifically about half-way between paydays. They set up these nifty little road blocks by which they randomly will stick their hand out to signal you to stop and have a chat. Usually it's just a friendly 'hello, how are you today?'... other times, they want to see your license... and other times, they want to know what you got them for Christmas. You just never know!

Of course, so far, I have been speaking about urban driving... Once you hit the countryside, you're in a whole different ball game.

There are aspects about each scenario that I have come to like and dislike.

Depending on my mood and the length of my trip, the rugged, bumpy, dirt roads can either be and adventure or an agitation. One thing is for sure... you get a lot more of these when you are driving in the middle of nowhere...


All in all... I love the joys and exasperations of buckling up and shifting it into first.